Seriously I’m about to start drinking alone.
I just want someone to care. Someone who doesn’t care if I’m sad about a death or just overly emotional; they’ll come hold me all night if they have to. Someone who will drink with me when I need a drink. Someone who will pray with me when I need it. Someone who will stand up for me. Someone who won’t back down. Someone with passion. Someone with Jesus.
I need my best friend back. I need a best friend again.
What if your bones had all of your darkest, happiest, saddest, moments and thoughts all inscribed into them. So when you died the coroner would understand your whole life in just one examination. You wouldn’t have any control over it, you would of finally opened up to someone.
I’m struggling a lot. I feel disconnected. A strain. I feel lost. I feel like I want to just run away from everything right now. My head hurts I’m so lonely. I know when God puts strain in our life only to shoot us farther yet I am struggling with this. Oof. For the past month since the death of my dog, my struggle with loneliness has hit me like a train. The worst part is none of my friends know it. I can’t blame them, of course. But it seems like when Charlie died, everyone except my mom has treated it like it’s not a big deal. We’ve all lost a pet. Who cares, you’re fine. Well, I’m not. You could ask anyone who met Charlie. He was so special. There was just something about him that touched everyone’s life. All over the country people reached out to me the day he died. He was such a loving, giving boy. He meant the absolute world to me. And Mom. He was living with her in New Mexico. When he was alive, I couldn’t even think about him or talk about him too much without crying. Same with Mom and how much I miss her.
Guys. I feel like I’m going crazy. Loneliness… Eats you away. I have been trying to avoid it but people are falling away from me.
And those teens out there struggling with loneliness in high school, I can relate, but that is not loneliness. You still got your family near you. Daily interaction with people. You’re learning in school which is doing something in your life. Don’t take advantage of that. I wish I didn’t.
My mother lives in New Mexico. My dad lives in Florida. My sisters in Wisconsin. Yes, I chose to live here but that’s because here is home. Ugh. I don’t know.
I am feeling worthless lately. I feel like I’ve bogged down the ones I love so I’m starting to hide things again. And I keep getting let down by my friends. Which is in return making me feel like I’m not good enough or not trying hard enough? Idk. Ugh.
Excuse my emotional rant. I’m just so tired and drained and it’s effecting my business and time with God. I just need a companion again. I really want a bunny haha. I wish I could have a cat but the people I live with are allergic.
Someone pray for me. Anyone.